When Life Turns Up the Heat..

This is a bathroom bar. I wish I could for sure tell you which bathroom, but it was the middle of last summer and all I know is that it was a good summer. All summers end up pretty great for me. Throughout the winter I refuse to leave the house and hibernate mostly. Then things start heating up and so do I. According to my sister when the summer barometric pressure rises, so do I.  At any rate, I am pretty sure my slut standings go through the roof as the summer equinox approaches. God, when the weather is like this I am always on the go. Always in a bar. Always at the beach. Always plotting the next great adventure. Always searching for the next big thing. Usually that big thing is attached to a man that I hook up with and try to figure out ways to get rid of almost immediately.

Oh man, how is it that I have always been friends with some of the biggest partiers/club owners in Hollywood, and moreover, how are they always the biggest creeps on the fucking planet? I mean, these are people I grew up with, and sure I sort of thought they were a little weird when we were kids, but slowly shit came to light that made me seem fucking mild and sane in comparison. I know this one guy.  He’s known as the molester in our immediate group of friends, but that’s because he likes to wait for you to be incompasitated beyond repair and then fuck around with you. It does not matter if you’re a boy or a girl. If you’re out of your mind drunk–he is going to get you. He also apparently lives by the code of pirates. His parents have a ridiculously incredible amount of money, which is where his inhumane amount of wealth comes from. They’re also absolutely paranoid about the impending doom that is coming our way via the end of the world. In case you feel as though you read that incorrectly, I will restate it, They believe that the end of the world is coming and they’re getting prepared for it. And how do you prep for such a thing? Well, first thing’s first, you take all your liquid assets and exchanged them for DIAMONDS, JEWELS AND GOLD. Then you put them in air tight containers and bury them in strategic places around your property. Once this is done you have the areas covered with cement and wait for the end of the world where you can appropriately use your jewels as currency to save your ass. I guess they’re as sure as I am that the U.S. is headed on a plane straight for hell, only I do not give a shit about jewels or fighting off banks. Let the banks continue to fight off me. Anyways, this is just the beginning of that nightmare I’ve called my group of friends for years.