Monday night: get drunk–go home with someone.
Tuesday night: get drunker–go home with someone else. This someone else. It turned out he couldn’t read and I got violently drunk and threw all of his patio furniture into the Venice Canal. Then I went out to my car and passed out. I threw most of his really cute martini glasses into the canal. And I threw a birdhouse or something. I don’t really know why I am admitting any of this other than the fact that it made my friends piss on themselves they laughed so hard. He is really handsome. I’ll admit that, but once he opened his mouth I wanted him to die.