I am oftentimes the subject of controversy and rumors. Most of the time I am not bothered by them and I know better than to entertain the thought of them as they might be true and I may have been so drunk that I have little to no memory of the situation. In this way, I was confronted earlier with a rumor that has been going around the little corner bar I frequent in Hollywood.

Wednesday night, I was there, and ran into some guys that swear I have gone out with them before. I swear that I don’t know who they are, but they always get up and hug me like we did an 8 ball of blow off the ass of a stripper once. While I was trying to tell them I had no idea who they were, one of their friends tells me, “Brad loves you!” He screams it in a wild slur. So I ask him who Brad is and he waves his finger in my face and says, “Oh, you know!”

Then I walked away and spent the rest of the night talking to this band of guys with thick accents and a penchant for trouble. Apparently, after I left a friend of mine hooked up with one of the guys. At some point he asks her, “Hey, your friend with the big tits–what’s her name?” And she tells him, “Oh, Sabrina?” And he says, “Yes, Sabrina. Brian told me she’s fucking Brad Pitt.” So my friend calls me and says, “Sabrina, there is a rumor going around that you’re fucking Brad Pitt.” And I tell her GOOD. The more people that think I am fucking Brad Pitt the better. That is like fucking a physical demi-god. If any of you want to know if I am actually fucking Brad Pitt. I am. Also, I am in Africa right now playing mid-wife to Angelina Jolie and her unborn baby. Also, I have the gift of flight.

I love rumors.