From now on, whenever I am complaining about, you know, men, drinking, writing–my life, please direct me to re-read this quote by the creepiest Scientologist, Tom Cruise:

Sex is about the connection. Great sex is a by-product, for me, of a great relationship, where you have communication and it’s an extension of that. Where it’s just free. And that’s how it should be. It’s spectacular. If you’re not in good communication with your partner, it sucks. (Meaningless sex outside of a relationship) is really horrible and pathetic and lonely.

First of all, what connection? The connection of your penis to the non-existant woman’s vagina because who are we kidding? Tom Cruise does not know what to do with a vagina. If he were the keymaster, then some other dude would have to be the gatekeeper because dick and anus is the actual connection he is after. Also, all this “communication” talk is killing me. He can probably talk forever and ever because he is like a goddamn girl and sometimes I just want to drown people like that. Drown them in a sack like an unwanted litter of kittens. Seriously though, that entire rant sounds like something someone comes up with after they’ve had a round of tag team enemas. I mean, maybe not, but that is what I’m seeing.