Oh man, I look like I got into it with Chris Brown. I think I'll start telling people that's what happened to my face. #gotchrisbrowned20 minutes ago
Find a cute bearded guy, flirt with him, have his friend come up & ask about his wife then shoot yourself for always finding the taken dude. 8 hours ago
If you want to go on a date with someone who looks like a battered wife, call me. 8 hours ago
"Are you going to be home tonight?" -- My neighbor (stalker) Liam. 8 hours ago
Do not run up Runyon when you have zero coordination. What you end up with is a face full of broken & blood. 10 hours ago