Dear Sabrinas Vagina,

I can not get a date no matter how much of an effort I make. What do you recommend I try?

Desperate for company

Dear Loser,

Please remember, it is “Sabrina’s Vagina”. The apostrophe in there is very important because it indicates that it is my Vagina and not some vortex. Although, it has been known to suck many a man in. Anyways, this is probably an answer where I should take a lot of time and break down in three parts what is wrong with you. Since I am running short on time and probably would hate you for being ugly I am not going to waste my time with such awesomeness. First of all, and pay attention because this is important:

STOP TRYING SO GODDAMN HARD.

No woman will respect any man that trys that much. And by the way, they are not women, but bitches. Remember that because that is what they act like while they turn you down every goddamn time you fumble around like an idiot while asking them out. Mostly, I reccomend you stop trying. Whatever you are doing isn’t working so don’t do anything at all. I am guessing your main problem is that you are an ugly dork and I am sorry about that. But since there isn’t anything I can do to help your genetic quandry maybe you should try homosexuality. A man will fuck anything, even if it is ugly. Good luck and try not to suicide so much after you read this.

Sabrina’s Vagina