Dear Sabrina’s Vagina,

Wats with this sore spot I get wen my g/f and I dry hump?

dude it stings so fuckng bad when i touch it!

HoRaCe!

Dear Horace,

How’s it feel to go through life with a name people in 1905 hated, but dealt with because it sounded “distinguished”? Since you are neither distinguished nor entertaining I am going to lay into you. Signing your name LiKe tHis does not make you seem any cooler, in fact, I want to run by your house and bash your face in with a nin iron. I was under the impression that only 14-year-old girls typed like that. Apparently, I was wrong, retards also subscribe to that methodology of typing. And by the way, who told you it was cool to add an exclaimation point at the end of your stupid name? You have nothing to exclaim unless you are gonna declair that you are a tool. Seriously, everyday I find another person that needs to drink a nice big glass of Draino. How fucking awesome.

Anyways, your question disturbed my sleep schedule. Why in the hell are you dry humping enough to get chaffing? Seriously, this is a problem for me. That is a massive amount of chaffing. I realize it can happen, but this isn’t like you jumped in the pool with your jeans on, while you were not wearing underwear and decided to walk around in soggy pants until they dried. If you dry hump enough to get chaffing you need to open the door to other possibilities–things that do not include the possibility of rubbing the skin off your dick you moron. I can respect if the bitch doesn’t want to sex with you, but there are other things you can do. LOTS OF OTHER THINGS. If she refuses, maybe you should take some time to re-evaluate the direction of your relationship. I mean, you want some good sexin and she doesn’t. Maybe you should find someone a little more compatible, someone into the sexin. In the case that she is blind and religious, and you are horribly disfigured–marry the bitch.

<3,

Sabrina’s Vagina