I am actually back in California, but now I am on my way to San Diego to see Erin from Oak Park Mastermind because she’s there for business. Plan on being updated about Hawaii and the psuedo trip with Erin shortly.
Whispers From Waikiki
June 7, 2009Welcome to my island paradise. It’s all tits and ass here in Waikiki. I am PMSing so I feel bad for Colin and haspy for him cause my tits have doubled in size overnight. Anyways, this is my update for now.
The Talking To!
May 28, 2009
Are there even any good blogs left? I sometimes visit blogs that I used to read for enjoyment and I get super suicidal cause most of those idiots take themselves super seriously. I mean, it’s a blog, get over it. There isn’t anything in a blog that is such a big deal that you should be able to go bizerk with some stupid commenter that disagrees with you. Just remove your comments or delete your blog. Honestly, I think the thing that made blogging interesting in the first place was the fact that it was racey and provocative and most of all anonymous. However, this fact made readers really hang on every word the blogger typed and eventually gave way for the meshing between the blogger, the writer and the fusion of those worlds. Basically, once people started to write about their shitty, boring life and their mundane details blogging lost it’s magic. I promised I would not talk about how I was sorry for not blogging in a while. I also got a stern talking to by a friend that said if I am going to blog I need to just go at it like I used to and really attack things, which I think is the ticket. Well that, and bringing back the drinking rants.
It’s strange cause I am living with Colin and we have a very interesting life together. I stay home and write and he goes to work and we sort of just mesh. Then we go drinking and, for example, I get all sassy and am like I DO NOT WANT TO GO HOME. I WANT TO GET DRUNKER AND DRUNKER. I WANT TO VOMIT. And then he will be like OK, YOU CANNOT DO THAT. Which annoys the shit out of me. So, of course I have to turn into a monster and throw myself on the floor and pout WHY DO YOU HATE ME. Then I go to crazy town and cry and get mascara all over his clothes and in a way it is beautiful because it’s like I made an ink blot painting with my eyes. Then suddenly I am bored with acting like this so I get up off the floor and put on pants and prance into the kitchen and am like WOULD YOU LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AN JELLY? And by the morning I forget that any of it even happened until Colin brings it up. Usually, it is not so messy, and there are not so many tears, but once in a great while I will wake up on the floor and it’s clear to me that I was bad, naughty Sabrina and I got served a slice of floor pie in retaliation. The one time that happened I tried to lock Colin out of the apartment naked. In my own defense, he’s got a really sweet ass so it would have been cute.
Whoa, Photos!
May 21, 2009
So I have photos again. It feels like 2007 all over again or something. I tried relentlessly to get stupid fucking Flickr to help me pay so that I could get my account up and running, but it was like working with a league of mental midgets. I am being kind here too. I guess if I ever get totally bored I will post my bitchy letters to them so that we can all revel in my bitchy awesomeness. So I’ve moved on, and now I’m using BubbleShare, which does not seem too bad if you take away the fact that I’m not nearly as adept at using it as I am Flickr. Boo fuckin’ hoo.
Some dude that knows what drunk is really like.
This is a photo I made Colin take last week while we were driving down Fairfax on our way to the Farmer’s Market. I think it sums up exactly how I felt that day, which was the day after Colin’s surprise birthday party. It was like…whoa. Also like whoa the fact that I have probably the best job in the entire world. I sit around my apartment and have ideas. Sometimes I write down these ideas and other times I just have them and then drink coffee or play with my Wii. Then at some point, I write them down and people pay me for them. But that’s not all, they have me do awesome stuff like show up to their events, for free, as a VIP and then they let me Twitter it. Which is exactly what happened at the Amp Radio launch party last night, which had LMAFO playing. If you check out my tweets, please notice that they get progressively drunker as the night goes on. Also note that I was totally fucking wasted cause the radio station footed my drinking bill and all I ate was a bowl of oatmeal yesterday. Anyone that tells you not to drink on an empty stomach is an idiot. My only recommendation for anyone regarding drinking is avoid milk items and try and stick with whatever you start drinking, as not to jump from rum in a Mai-Tai to whiskey cause you are begging for a hangover. I am also pretty sure that I called my parents to thank them for being my parents and to tell them I had the best job in the world. Alcohol is epic kids.
Whoa, here I am thinking, "Jesus, I am a sexy bitch!"
Oh, I have also been going to the dentist, which I haven’t done since before I decided to be drunk all the time in 2006. I probably will never make that mistake again. Too bad I only have like 2 cavities, so whatever the dentist has to do will be awesomely fast and I won’t have to sit still for too long getting injections all up in my face like I’m a porn star ready for a facial. Oh yea. And I want you to read that like the Kool-Aid dude just said it, it brings an amazingly awesome amount of affect to the table. So go bad and read it like that. Fuck it, read the entire post in that way and then blow me. Thanks and goodnight.
Fuck Flickr
May 14, 2009Well, I finally decided to terminate my association with stupid Flickr. All I have had since my account ran out are problems with renewing my fucking contract with them. I am completely fed up and looking for a new place to host my photos. Preferably any place unassociated with Yahoo! as those people are fucking idiots.
I don’t mind paying and I have no problem doing a little research, but I want to get photos back on this mother fucker so I am going to ask for help and recommendations. Really, what’s the best place for hosting photos these days that aren’t sticks in the mud and actually have a decent hosting service that will work with stupid WordPress. If anyone has any information shoot them my way in the comments.
With any luck, I can have this bad boy up and running ASAP.
Man!
May 13, 2009Man, it’s like I never find the time to bullshit post anymore. I feel like shit about it, but here I am posting in bed from my iPhone so I suppose I can actually make the time. Ladst week was filled with another rewrite, as well as my other work. That doesn’t even include all the work I did researching for Colin & my trip to Oahu next month. Now everything’s booked and we’re set to head out for 4 days at Turtle Bay & 3 at the Hilton Village Resort in Wailki. It should be nothing short of awesome!
In other news, Today was Colin’s 29th birthday. We ended up celebrating last night after we attended my friend Riley’s attempt to win the west coast finals for the moth podcast. He lost to some mega liberal, but managed to talk me into trying out for the one they do in Venice. Which subsequently is within walking distance to my house. Oh, and I moved in with Colin, which answers the question as to why I am within walking distance to Venice.
This is not new actually, I just never thought to say anything before. Regardless, the change of location is nice, as living near the beach serves for good inspiration sometimes.
So Colin and I started drinking last night and found ourselves at Hal’s a local Venice joint, listening to jazz and drinking. His birthday isn’t over yet cause I have more in store for him later this week.
Later, I’ll post my review is Star Trek, which by the way, was awesome.
May 5, 2009
The Rolling Stone’s can’t you hear me knocking always makes me think of doing blow while the sun is coming up and being really offended that the night died without me. It’s Cinco de Mayo and I wrote a fast post for all the Angelinos regarding pretty decent ideas for where to celebrate tonight on the Amp 97.1 site. Since I am undecided as to how or even if I will spend today drinking I somehow ended up at a coffee shop on Washington Boulevard in Venice, which just happens to be right next to two of the major Mexican themed bars in the area. I’ve been watching people walk in and stumble out of them for hours. It is killing me not to race in there and drink till I drop, but I’ve got my laptop and I don’t really need to have it stolen or destroyed when I ride back home on my bike and get hit by a bus cause I was drunk.
I should be posting pictures here soon. I think my stand against fucking Flickr is just about over. I am not even sure how those idiots make money when the site they use for payment barely works. LAME. Whoa, for a second I thought I saw Viggo Mortenson walk into the bar next door. If it’s actually him, I’ll see you in never cause I am about to hunt that man down all for myself. Amen.
I Am Awake
April 30, 2009Man, I would have posted by now, but I am out of photos because I am in a silent battle with goddamned Flickr. Time to change things up and start hosting my photos some place unassociated with Yahoo! cause I hate those idiot sons of bitches. Anyways, what sort of twit posts 47 photos of themselves dicking around, eating, and hanging out with friends on the daily? Probably someone that has nothing else going on. I stopped being this sort of person and now whenever I have a good idea I waste my time dicking around trying to get someone to pay me to write it. I guess, when I do not get anyone to bite I will start posting these little thoughts here cause why the fuck not?
Today, I put on hot pink lipstick and then talked Colin into going to James Beach (that place with the fish tacos in “I Love You, Man!”) because I am all vexed about getting a project completed. I knew he did not want to go out but I pimped myself out to get what I wanted, since I am not above manipulation in the least. Although, he would not relent and ride bikes there since I fucking ate it big last week while dicking around Marina Del Rey, so we drove. Anyways, the food there is always great and after dinner we walked across the street to The Canal Club because their mid-week happy hour lasts till closing and we had some more drinks, which was mundane and boring and almost the entire time I kept trying to grab his junk while people were looking. Until some dude that has a head the size of an Easter Island fucking statue came in and sat at the bar next to some lady that looked like the bloated drunk chick from Grace Under Fire. Immediately, I realized I knew Easter Island from somewhere so I started to stare at him like my eyeballs could sear through his flesh and come up with the answer. It turns out that if you stare at a man long enough while you are wearing a skin tight dress and hot pink lipstick he’ll try to hit on you from across the bar even though you are grabbing your boyfriend’s dick. Shortly thereafter Grace Under Fire made him leave and I realized I knew him from a different bar where I usually tell him that I have a syphilis related birth defect that makes me incapable of getting drunk. I always tell him this while being too drunk to walk. Welcome to the summer, where more trouble and more writing is imminent.
Things I Do When I Should Be Working
April 1, 2009First I go to Omegle, then talk to a stranger. It sort of goes like this:
Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: dude
Stranger: dude correct
You: i think i just shat a doberman
You: too bad I cannot pet it and make it come to life
Stranger: did you eat one for dinner?
You: then I would take it to the park and be like HERE SHIZER.
You: and then when people would look at us funny I would just scoff cause I have a shit dog.
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: am i intruding on your private thoughts?
You: I think I have something in between my teeth
You: that something is not dogshit
You: How can thoughts like these be private
You: unless you meant privates
You: and then yea, let’s talk about genitals.
Stranger: when you get TOO personal
You: so, tell me about your genitals.
Stranger: such as fantasying about fecal pets and genitals
Stranger: needledick
You: fantasizing
You: i do not have a dick. i am a hermie.
Stranger: that’s good to know
You: yea. it is
You: so, do you want to put your cock in my cock.
You: it can be kissing cocks.
You: later
You: when we get bored with that
You: i can shit into your asshole
Stranger: Stranger: i do not have a dick. i am a hermie.
Let’s be a little consistent here
Let’s be a little consistent here
You: and then you can shit that shit plus your shit back into my asshole.
You: and we can do that back and forth
You: forever.
Stranger: well, i would, but that would be impossible
You: it’s not really a dick. it’s more or less a thing. hormone therapy isn’t foolproof.
Stranger: no, don’t change the story
You: it would not be impossible if you just TRIED.
You: just try
Stranger: no
You: YOU WILL TRY
You: now bend over so I can poop inside you. deeply.
Stranger: hmm, are you hitting on me?
You: yes, this is love. stranger love.
You: now please get inside my van.
Stranger: i forgot my backpack
Stranger: let me go get it
You: i forgot my chloroform.
You: it doesn’t matter. were in love.
Stranger: oh geez, i just broke my foot. i can’t walk back to the van. sorry.
You: http://tinyurl.com/cu2ovr
Stranger: hmm
You: We are going to do this.
Stranger: you can. i’m outta here
How To Fuck With Co-Workers And Shit
March 18, 2009I do not work in an office and have not for going on two years. I don’t miss it. I love freelancing, but sometimes I miss things like healthcare. I am ok with the way things are becuase I enjoy writing and more than that I enjoy working in my pajamas so when I have things like hangovers I can just sit and stare at a wall for 7 hours or until I fall asleep. I like doing things my way, at my own speed and in my own space. I guess if that is all sort of shocking to you then you’re too dumb to keep reading my blog.
Anyways, Colin works in a pretty big office space that he shares with some people. One of his bosses shares that space with him and forces them to all listen to a Pandora station that she’s set up. There is always the option to put headphones on and do your own thing, but sometimes it is nice to spend part of your day without headphones on. Since Colin was working on a project with someone else, or for whatever reason his headphones were off and he was forced to listen to that station and techno started playing. Like crazy, raving techno from 1995. And inside Colin had a hate, which he expressed to me over IM. Inside I had an idea inspired by this video from Rathergood.com:
So I tell Colin that he should get into the computer with Pandora playing and fucking add some Slayer to the station. Oh man, I wasn’t sure he would do it, but he did. And the rest of the afternoon fucking Slayer would come on randomly and freak everyone in his office out. He had to act like he was really upset so he did not look like the guilty party. Plus, death metal apparently makes everyone he works with super pissed off, so since he did not annouce that he was behind the whole Slayer incident immediately someone would probably have tried to behead him had he admitted it later on. Anyways, I think they eventually blocked Slayer and all things like it. Next week, Colin is going to add Mexican Ranchero music to the mix and watch the chaos begin all over again. It’s pretty easy to see why I love him, huh?
Forgive Me Father For I Have Sinned
March 4, 2009I’ve been trying to post for the past week, but it seems like every time I sit down to blog everything else gets in my way, usually that stuff is work. So, for the mundane stuff. I am doing the raw foods detox again. It’s the right time of year March is pretty boring and I know someone is going to bring up St. Patty’s Day, but honestly, I am pretty sure the last time I celebrated it was in 2006 when I was drunk everyday and I ended up getting so drunk on the 16th that I passed out for most of the 17th. What do you want? I am a monster. Also on the horizon, Erin is coming to visit at the end of the month. So why not detox for the next 21 days? Once she gets here it is going to be like some sort of fucked up free for all.
Speaking of Erin and free foralls, I think I am going to buy one of those giant popcorn popping circus machines. For reals. I ended up taking back my Vaio laptop to stupid Best Buy for the 50th time and they were like OH, WELL, THIS MIGHT BE A LEMON. Turns out it was a lemon and I have like a $2,000 gift card to Best Buy. The only thing is, I don’t really need anything. So I was checking out their website when I say this amazing beauty:
It’s only $379.00 and once I get it I can throw a circus themed party. The plan is for when Erin gets here to dress up my bulldog in a tophat and get Erin a trapeze and then start the machine and eat popcorn and proceed to get really, very extremely drunk. You know, like ya do. Probably, I will hire a fucking photographer to capture the memories since I probably won;t have any. Drinking after you do the raw foods fast is sort of like getting drunk for the first time when you are 5-years-old. It is instant and it is intense. Anyways, if you’re in the LA area the last weekend of March and you hear about two women that get arrested for public intoxication with a moving popcorn cart, well, you’ll already know who it is.
In other news, my other really good friend has decided to become a whore. This is all very funny because she continues to claim to be a virgin only one of the guys is saying he boned down with her. And when I say one of the guys I mean to explain that she has two lovers. One in New York and one in LA. Eventually I got bored of both of the dudes coming to me for answers so I told them both the truth. She’s got two lovers and does not plan to get rid of either of them. The one in NY threw her out of his shanty. Let me explain this to you, my friend is a super pretentious, stuck up snob. The fact that she’d be willing to live in this guys apartment that looks like some terrifying rape place in SVU is beyond me. Also, he was whiney and boring.
The other guy is fun and lives in LA and let’s face it, I liked him more from the getgo. I did not like, however, the fact that she thought it was ok to keep two lovers. There are rules among whores and one of them is not keeping two lovers. You can cheat on a guy, but you do not make your lover your other boyfriend. I mean, what sort of idiot tries to keep up two lives? Anyways, she tried to do this, and almost got away with it becuase she is bi-coastal, but because I am a total bitch, I was like YOU NEED TO PUT AN END TO THIS. IT IS CRAMPING MY STYLE. And she promised me she would. I knew she wouldn’t because she’s a compulsive liar, but I ended up getting more than my fair share of attention from her charade. So insead of telling her one more time that I disagreed with her. I decided that I would just take matters into my own hands. As far as I know she currently has no boyfriends, but she’s a compulsive liar and might have two boyfriends or even be having sex with both of them and lying about it. Actually, now that I think about it, she might as well be having sex with them both because it would be the best lie she’d ever tell. In fact, she’s having sex with both of them now that I think about it. I mean, why not? It seems like the thing to do, and moreover it seems like something she’d do since she made such a big deal out of being a virgin.
Ugh
February 19, 2009You know, I don’t think I even have readers anymore. It is sort of pathetic but exactly what I wanted when I killed sabrina_c.blogspot.com. Oh well. I have taken my total inability to blog to bed with me, cause even though I am exhausted, I cannot sleep. So what better time to update, right?
I have to go to Fox tomorrow for them to point out something in my script is not perfect or apart of their vision or something. I just want them to like what I’m doing and give me a ton if money to keep doing it. What’s so wrong about a ton of money? Or having you dream job? Probably everything, but I don’t care, I’ve benn wrong most of the time and it got me this far.
Here is a photo I took of Colin when I taught him how to drink all day long on Sunday. My liver still hurts. Some girlfriends teach you how to cook or eat pussy. I teach how to become a functioning alcoholic because that is awesome.
Get Ready!
February 4, 2009I really miss MixWit. I think maybe a small virtual part of me died when that site shut the fuck down. Life is sort of boring when you are always listening to your own music. It is also sort of expensive because jerks like me cannot wait to own an album or song for free, so it has to bought and delivered immediately. I left my camera’s memory card at Colin’s house so I don’t have any new photos for you guys. I guess this will just have to be a boring post with only words. God forbid there only be words. Ugh.
Colin does not like it when I post photos of his messy barf, but I guess he should only document barfnastyness on his camera if he does not want to deal with me highlighting gross shit like barf. Colin will read this and then contact me and be like I DO NOT LIKE BEING ON YOUR BLOG ANYMORE. I suppose this could be solved if I did not write about him, but then he would keep reading to see if I would write about him. My solution is to try and post many, many photos of barf and say they all belong to him even though I am just going to find them on the internet.
Whoa, tomorrow I fly to NYC for Comic Con. Maybe you’re wondering to yourself what I might be doing out there. Well, I guess the best way to explain it is DRINKIN’ SMOKIN’ STRAIGHT WEST COASTIN’. Oh, wait, that’s not the west coast. Whatever. I’m covering it for some websites I write for and I am also going there to do some work with a friend on an unname project that is going to rival the awesomeness that is my TEETS.
Ok, I lied about the whole no pictures thing. Instead I will leave you with a photo of Amanda Lepore and her/his terrible case of monsterface. I believe monster face is not contagious, but it has been known to spread rapidly among crows. Ever watch a seemingly attractive chick befriend an ugly monster and slowly morph into a monster as well? Yea, that is a terrible case of the monster face.
My sister used to date this guy and she said he smelled like burning plastic when he sweat. That only made me think about the fact that he probably smelled like burning plastic when he was fucking her. If someone started to smell like burning plastic while fucking me I would probably barf on them. Then I would try and post photos of it on this blog because maybe that is the new direction I am taking things here. BARF BLOG by Sabrina See.
My sister also refers to buring plastic man as “That guy that smells like burning plastic with monster face disease.” I only wish he would read this and know it was him. I guess if he has come to terms with the fact that he needs to alter his diet because of the fact that he smells like burning plastic then he’ll know, otherwise, it’s all up to fate and logic. And let’s assume he is not filled with logic, ok?
Maybe Three Times Is Not A Charm
January 30, 2009
I am going to blog right now even though I should go to sleep because I feel like a neglectful mother. You know, like Caycee Anthony. Only I would never murder you guys and then try and hide you in the Everglades cause my parents do not live in the Everglades and I am too lazy for murder. I have to pee but I am too lazy to get up and walk to the bathroom. Ugh. I also am missing the skin off my knuckles. This is not because I played Mike Tyson’s Punchout with a wall or even a face, but because immediately after this picture was taken I went to crazy town and subsequently vomited. I am not a champion of drinking anymore.
I was not actually asleep in that photo. Neither was Gordon my green cyclopes stuffed monster toy. I was just pretending to be passed out because I did not want to deal with cleaning up the entire jar of marinara sauce that I poured on the couch. I am mega destructive when I am drinking. It is sort of a mystery how I made it through those years of super hard drinking. No really, I often times have to lay back and wonder why I did not get hit by a car or beat to death for being a drunk asshole.
Something I learned from Colin insisting on taking photos of my puke is that I did not digest my food. I also, apparently did not really chew it either. BARF. Anyways, Colin decided he had to vomit in the middle of the night and totally missed the toilet. After puking all over the bathroom floor I just jumped up and puked all over the bed and the wall. The noises that came out of that room were the bastard child of Hiroshima and Studio 54. I will never get over waking up naked and covered in vomit. No matter how many times it happens to me. I thought I was going to write more and tell better stories today, but I am just fucking tired. I still need to write pitches for Fox and then finish up a movie review for the new site I write for Screen Rant. I’ll post this weekend even if it is about something boring like how I yell at Colin’s boss everytime I see her even if I do not mean to. I just cannot help but yell right in this lady’s face. I am pretty sure she thinks I am out of my mind. She’s probably right.
Blogging 2009 Is Off To A Crap Start
January 21, 2009
Apparently, I thought it was ’40s night at the local bowling alley. What? Huh? A real strenth I have is getting totally drunk and becoming better at the task at hand. Case in point, bowling. After 30 or 50 drinks I started to kick everyone’s ass and show off that I am truly an idiot savant. Which reminds me, I am turning Colin into a badass. I guess by that I mean troublemaker. Before he met me I am going to guess doing things like running out on the bill and generally making mischief were not in the scope of his day, but they fucking are now.
Oh, and by the way, I got really sick of looking at all that damned taupe so I picked a new background. It won’t be around for long cause I have enlisted Colin to figure out what the fuck is wrong with this shitty template and make it better. I believe my instructions to him were pretty spot on, “You put your penis in me, use some of that knowledge about who I am on the inside and then fucking redesign my blog.” And he’s going to do this because I asked him and because he’s an artist. Have I explained that to you guys? Well, I guess there isn’t much to explain. He’s an artist and gets paid a considerable amount of money to do shit that most people would dream about. Like fuck me. Oh man, I’m awesome.
Man, speaking of Colin here is a good story about how I bested him. He thought it would be funny to tell me there was spider on my head when I was trying to hurry up and finish some posts for Flisted. After I flipped out I realized that he was dicking with me and decided I was going to get my revenge. After I was finished with posting I tell him to come and lay on top of me. I do this knowing something he does not know.
So we’re naked, or maybe he’s naked and I am naked on bottom. I think the semantics don’t really matter here. He was on top of me and then I farted the most monster fart of all time and it reverberated on his dick and he jumped off of me and I thought he was going to just fucking die. Anyways, he immediately says, “I felt that. I felt that on my fucking dick. AHHH!” Of course he felt it on his dick, I planned to get him back. And I did it with a disgusting fucking fart.
My sister is probably going to murder me for posting this, but by the time she is near a computer she’ll be in fucking Argentina. Then she’ll be there for three weeks so it won’t even matter that I immortalized her in fug. So totally awesome. I still have a lot of work to do, which has nothing to do with Argentina. What does have something to do with Argentina is Colin. I ended up meeting him while my sister was there this past summer and I had a lot of free time on my hands.
What’s that shit the idiots say, idle hands are the devils work. Fucking stupid. Yet true. He’d asked me out before and I blew him off and he told me he’d keep trying. I got really drunk at a meeting, LIKE YA DO, and texted him to meet me at a bar. I believe I was three sheets in by the time he got there and was shot out of a cannon. He says I was terrifying. He also says he thought I was fucked up on blow. He wouldn’t be the first person to ever say that.
Somehow he got me back to his place that evening, I tried to go to the bathroom in his closet and then he kissed me and made me leave. I should have known I was going to stick around for a lot longer than the blink I was used to. I’ve always been a sucker for Southern men with a silent strength.
