Come On To Bed Now
December 18, 2009
A Single Man
December 16, 2009
I suppose some sort of explaination is due, but I barely have the time to write this up. I’ve honestly just been busy with work. And the more I work as a writer the less I find time to blog. It’s funny how that happens, blogging sort of paved my way, and now I am abandoning it for other writing. I suppose in terms of writing, when I find the time and it isn’t “work”, I’d rather dick around with story ideas than explain to you that I couldn’t figure out how to get the old sofa downstairs before the movers came with the new sofa, so I threw it over the balcony, into the alley. And then when the new movers got there, they informed me that they could not drop off the sofa because they were going to need an additional team of men to pick the new sofa up and put it into the apartment via the balcony. Yea, it was a lot of balcony drama.
What was not a lot of balcony drama was Tom Ford’s new film, A Single Man. Although the story was a little thin, the overall concept and the way the film was layout was excellent. The film was about the day in the life of a man before he sets out to kill himself. His lover has recently passed and the man can find not reason to live without him. From a visual standpoint, the film is perfect. Every frame is like a perfect photo. A post card you cannot wait to send. I felt like I was being sold something that I wanted, but I couldn’t buy. Some people found Ford’s use of color saturation to be silly, like a hammer over the viewers head, but I rather enjoyed it. It gave me the visual feeling of warmth. Ford was also very aware of the use of sound. Had he the ability to use touch, taste and smell he probably would have and done it well. In terms of a first film, Ford got it right. I really enjoyed the film and felt touched by it in more than one way. It’s a great way to spend your time at the movies this holiday season, especially if you are sick of main stream holiday blockbusters.
How To Tech Your Parents To Use Technology
August 24, 2009
Honestly, for every time a family member calls me asking me to explain how to buy something online or fix their iPhone/iPod/Word/Pages I figure I could have written at least 2 posts. Now you know one more excuse why I am not fucking posting enough. I guess I can print this out and hand it to my mom. If I do not post tomorrow it’s cause she shanked me in the face for being a smart ass.
I Can Show Naked Photos If I Want To
August 23, 2009Seriously, no flash photography please. However, I hate to get reamed by flickr for putting up titty shots of Amber Rose so we’re all going to have to deal. I post my personal photos on flickr as well, and let’s just say the last thing I need is my mother asking me why some bitch’s flapjack titty’s are all over my personal flickr. Anyways, I started partying and forgot I was writing this. Maybe later I will remember to upload photos and be more awesome and stuff. Until that point in time please enjoy this super bizarre AD for upstate NY attorney Jim “The Hammer” Shapiro. He will even deal with severed heads, yo!
My Pretty Pets
August 20, 2009It’s been a wild week filled with drinking and hangovers and catching up on paying work. Forgive me for putting this on the back burner for a bit. This summer has been really bizarre. Maybe it’s because I’m in a stable relationship with a stable desire to get things done and further my writing career. Or maybe it’s because two of my friends have had mental breakdowns. One was committed to a sanatorium for an eating disorder and the other, as recently as Monday, had locked himself in his apartment and refused to come out for nearly a week. In case you’re about to have a psychotic break, please remember that it’s just as stressful for your friends that want to help you but they have no idea what to do. Also, when you start hearing things and seeing things in mirrors, it’s time to seek help. No one believes that you’re haunted. Period. Anyways, I suppose I should catch you up with the awesome shit I’ve been finding on the internet. This is an amazing video, it’s a 30 second short that involves a monster and a child entitled, The Number To Heaven and I think it’s awesome.
In addition to that there’s been numerous hot photos and hilarious videos that I’ve been depriving you. So I guess Instead of making this an epically long post, I will just make it a super short post and get my priorities in order so I can start updating enough for my precious pets, right?
Ballad Of G.I. Joe, Yo!
August 10, 2009
I know I am late to posting today, but I had important things to do like lie in bed naked and not do work. You know, the IMPORTANT things in life. However, while dicking around I found this hilarious video, The Ballad of G.I. Joe and everyone knows I am a sucker for all things Zach Galifianakis related, so enjoy!
Cocaine Is A Hell Of A Drug
August 7, 2009Perhaps Billy Mays should have paid more attention to the live and hard times of singer Rick James and he might not have had his heart explode on him at the age of 50. Traces of the booger sugar were found in Billy’s system at the time of his autopsey. However, it was not injested the night of his death. Probably it was taken while he was on that business trip without his wife.
Which gets me to thinking, was Billy Mays pulling a Vice of Sham Wow fame and fucking a hooker while doing tons and tons of blow? Probably. Also, do not get me wrong, he didn’t deserve to die, but honestly, I think everyone would be better off if they paid attention to the wise ass words of Rick James. Everyone but me, I guess I’ll go and finish snorting that 8-ball of Columbia’s finest now.
NAS and Nick Cannon Know In Your Face
August 7, 2009
Nick Cannon and NAS decided to make cultural remarks about the state of hip-hop. What they ended up doing it making themselves look like creepy assholes cause they made an incredibly racist song extremely catchy. And the last thing I want in my life is a song with the chorus, “Eat dat watermelon, eat dat watermelon, eat dat watermelon–sho’ is good!” to be stuck in my head. Maybe next time they decide to do this they could make the song way less catchy. Just sayin’.
Kelly Brooks Salutes Us With Tits
August 7, 2009I got super wasted on Wednesday night and I am pretty sure I am banned from an entire block. I guess that is what happens when you start drinking at 4pm and go the complete distance. Pacing, is of course for pussies. Plus, I was drinking tequila, which is the same thing as drinking demon juice for me. I should probably throw an apology out to everyone I offended, but I guess those people can all go and fuck themselves.
I started the day by covering the Ting Tings show for Amp Radio. They were awesome and did a killer acoustic set in the basement of the Key Club. I haven’t been to the Key Club in like 10 years, but the last time I was there I got fucking brink of insanity drunk and vomited all over their shitty bathroom.
I suppose the best way for me to make up for the fact that I was too busy to post on Wednesday and too hungover to post yesterday is to leave you with this ultra hot photos of Kelly Brook. Cause I too am a giver.
Check out the rest of the photos after the jump>>> Read the rest of this entry »
Lisa Ling’s Sister & That Other Chick Finally Freed!
August 4, 2009Journalists Laura Lee and Euna Lee have been pardoned by full time whacko and North Korean leader Kim Jong Il. My favorite American hero and blow job recipient, Bill Clinton went to North Korea as a high-profile diplomat with the hopes of getting the journalists released.
Slick Willy did his thing in North Korea, extending “words of sincere apology,” in order to get the Kim Jong to lighten up and release the two women. Earlier this year Ling & Lee were detained by North Korean police and then tried & convicted under North Korea’s Central Court for “committing hostilities against the Korean nation and illegal entry.” Until today, the two were serving 12 years in a labor prison, but are now freed, due in part to Bill’s apology and Kim Jong Il’s ability to pardon the duo under the, “humanitarian and peace-loving policy.”
Honestly, they’re just lucky they didn’t have to be Kim Jong Il’s love slave. Oh god, I am grossing myself out. Let’s hope the two have a safe return home and learn to enjoy their time in the States instead of dicking around near the North Korean border.
Photo source: Kayfabe
Lindsay Lohan & Britney Spears Reunited; Will Trouble Ensue?
August 4, 2009
So these two are together again. I cannot wait for Lindsay to rip her hair out this time and Britney to go publically gay. Let the tragedies unite. This could be like the Voltron of tawdry, celebutants!
Speaking of tawdry celebutant types, I cannot figure out if I should dick around and do work today, which would be good since I sometimes like to make money do I don’t have to give handjobs to strange men. Or if I should go visit my sister and sit at the pool with her and dick around all afternoon in the sun. Decisions, decisions! I guess right now I will have a sandwich and linger. I guess this means you should help me decide what to do. That would be awesome!
Did Tiger Woods Fart?
August 4, 2009
I am fairly sure that in the accompanied video Tiger Woods farts and loudly at that. I wouldn’t be so sure of this if he hadn’t picked up his leg and done the “sneak a fart out coyly” dance with his leg. Anyone that’s going to tell me that Tiger Woods did not sneak attack a fart on camera probably shits their pants on the daily. Seriously, Tiger Woods, next time you decide to nom nom nom on spicy Mexican food the night before a big game at least be kind enough to wear a fucking diaper.
Check out the video here>>> Read the rest of this entry »
Auto-Tune The News: Part 7!
August 3, 2009
Race debates, Pat Buchanan sounding crazy and the old auto-tune. All the makings of another awesome viral video!
Check out part 7 after the jump>>>
What Sort Of Racist Are You?
August 3, 2009
In case you needed to know what sort of racist you are and fast head on over to Mad Atoms and check out this Racism chart by writer Junior Owens. I’m guessing more people are Blatant racists than they ever knew. Thank god for this chart so now everyone can know exactly what sort of asshole they were to begin with.
Christina Hendricks Looks Like Me!
August 3, 2009
Whoa, I love Christina Hendricks and her zepplin tits. They are amazing, just like mine and honestly, what’s so wrong with that? I love Mad Men because it’s an incredible and epic program with great writing and acting, but let’s face it, I love it so much more because I can finally turn on the television and be confronted with a woman that has a body just like mine. Christina Hendricks, my tits give your tits a high tit five!
Mad Men starts again on August 16 on AMC at 10pm. If you have managed to miss it, you need to get it together and watch season 1 and 2 in the next two weeks. You too will want to be as dashing and shitty as the mysterious Don Draper. If nothing else, you can watch chicks with nice real tits bounce around your television screen.
A good woman is hard to find, but even harder to deal with. And let’s face it, there aren’t too many women left like Christina Hendricks cause most of them are busy trying to starve themselves, so let’s toast to Christina Hendricks and her super sexy character Joan Holloway, may they both be blessed with ample bosom and swiveling hips for years to come.
You can find more about Christina, her character Joan Holloway and Mad Men on the AMC website.
